Help Wanted: Professional Pick Up Person

If I had money to throw away,  I wouldn't hire a personal trainer or a chef. This would be the want ad that I would post.

Help Wanted

Mother of two looking for full-time Professional Pick Up Person (PPUP).  This person's responsibilities would include:

Picking up any and all items dropped and/or tossed on the floors, that should not be dropped or tossed on the floors, throughout my home.  This includes, but is not limited to:

Grooming: comb / brush / ponytail holders / hair bows / de-tangling spray / toothbrushes / toothpaste

Mealtimes: cups / utensils / plates / bibs / napkins / food / shoes / socks

After Day Care: jackets / hats / shoes / socks / shirt / pants / artwork / daily activity sheets

Bath Time: rinse cups / wet washcloths / shampoo / soap / water-logged toys

Diaper Changing/Potty Time: underwear / socks / shoes / diapers(clean and dirty) / diaper cream / lotion / wipes(clean and dirty) / shirt / pants

Requirements:

Must be able to stand for long periods of time. Requires frequent bending.  Must be able to withstand the volume/attitude/mood swings of a three year old and tolerate repetitive singing, yelling, and questions.  Injury while on the job is possible from items thrown by one year old (He has a good arm). Must be willing to travel on occasion to preform duties at off-site functions such as play dates and family holiday gatherings.


On the job training is provided. Excellent opportunity for college aged individual who is interested in working with children. Benefits include lukewarm meals, first-hand knowledge of three year old potty habits, and learning all of the lyrics and nuances of the Frozen soundtrack.



If money was no object, who would you hire? Maid, chef, chauffeur?  The PPUP is at the top of my list, however I would also love to have someone to put away the laundry. I don't mind doing the laundry, it is putting it away that I don't like.